I have a huge belief in the human soul's potential to grow if aligned with greater forces outside of itself. I've shared with some of you my experiences in this lifetime, despite having a very private or as many of you express it,"mysterious", disposition. I do share many facts about my life that I am more removed from in my current life. Facts about stepping out of financial struggles at an early (making $1,000/day having a massage biz for over a year). Buying and selling a house after holding for 5yrs. Traveling around the world on my own money with my girlfriend. Going from 360 lbs to 180lbs, and losing it naturally. Then stepping away from that life to reconnect with having music be my LIFE at 25(Yes I packed alot into my young adulthood). Leaving my home and relationship of 6yrs with just my $300 dollar coat, new car, and $100 dollars in hand just knowing I could do whatever I put my mind to. I fell in love with a playboy covergirl, smoked weed for a whole village or so it seemed;) and left care to the wind.
After 14 months of this lifestyle change my mind, body, and soul started resenting the drastic shift. I had attempted to reconstruct a livable reality renting a $1500 1 bedroom apartment in West Hollywood only to lay my head a cpl hours out of the week, funding this and all things primarily from the refinance of my home. Starting to dip my feet in real estate as a profession and passing the State Test on my first try as well as the test to be a Personal Banker at Wells Fargo. I had two failed relationships since my last girlfriend. My 6yr relationship girlfriend was suing me after trying to buy my house for $5000 when there were six figures left in equity. I started loosing it and began a series of hospitalizations for depression that would spread across almost 2 years.
I became addicted to weed of all things! Mostly reaching out for anything that could possibly take the edge off since I had crashed my car a few months after leaving my home in a DUI after a heartbreak from my Playboy covergirl. I tried abstaining, taking prescription drugs for depression and many other tools. I had many days I couldn't leave the bed due to the medications. I regained most of my weight back peaking at 325 lbs.
At this point it had been over 4 yrs since I left my home.almost 3 yrs since the biggest heartbreak of my life (a girl after the Playboy Covergirl). Almost a year with no prescription drugs to treat depression and about 2 years in "recovery"(being in and out of being sober and walking into rooms).
I'd being doing inner work. Letting go of things that didn't serve me and trying to live a manageable life. One day at a time. One step at a time. I had already experienced going back to live with my mom(for a year and a half) to weather out the storm after I began to have lawsuits from my ex and hospitalizations. I then tried a sobriety house to try to become more independent again. I stayed there another year and a half arriving there with a brand new car and leaving a used car parked at my mom's parked miles away. Just weeks off my last high.
After moving out of there I stayed in a little 10x12 sq ft Downtown paying almost $4/sq ft. It was a slum, but you couldn't tell 'til you moved in! Once again I almost never slept there. A pattern that I had for about 5 years although never being physically homeless. After 2 months there my moral started to crumble.
I experienced an anxiety attack after being sober for almost 2 years. After having started to loose the weight for 6 months. I was making progress in all areas, but still couldn't see pass that day. I had all my needs met, even a high spiritual discipline that I was trying to establish but at almost 30 I felt that I could and should just let go a little.
After all , who knew how long I'd have to endure this hell hole?(as I viewed it). How long was I going to be self-condemned to Nostalgia and LA Dating? Just a little Jack and letting go of my support groups.
Back in my groove within a few months I thought I met a new soulmate. I moved out for the first time in my life to another county outside of LA. I had just sold my car since it had been broken into and it was in the mountains more than a couple hours away. I had gotten burned out on the cell, although only I noticed since I kept a google voice number. I took this risk to see what may come. It was only supposed to be so the girl and I could be together and I could maybe stretch my mind abit and maybe rebuild on a grander scale.
But we had to have fun. Then there were the weedruns to the pharmacies in LA. Hanging with my "buddies" while in LA. And keeping it all together in front of the public and my mother. There was another storm brewing. Two months later the girl and I split up after having lived 24/7 almost daily.
Now I returned to LA with all my possessions and about 4 months earlier than I had hoped for. I had been waiting for some apartments to become available in Venice for a long time. I'd been hoping to live there for almost 3 years. Then after almost 3 weeks in LA and kind of loosing it over the holiday season I got a call that the apartments I had hoped for were becoming available.
The catch was I had to move in within a week and have a great sum of money as down payment. All this with no flexibility and short notice after spending a nice chunk of money on my mom's 74th bday and MY BLUE IN GREEN Christmas. After some great events and the help of an aunt and real estate broker we were in. Although the date changed to New Year's Eve, and I used the small loan from my broker for my very first marijuana license.
It took a couple months of stop and go before I layed down the weed and enrolled in school. I stayed through the whole quarter and remained sober for the quarter. In June I opened a new DBA,became an ASCAP member, putting forward the project of releasing a classic recording by my former working group. I turned 31 in June and I've lost 110lbs In a almost 20 months with only 15-20 lbs of overfat more to go to re-enter the "official healthy fat range".
My life is and has always been in part a work in progress. I've expressed since my early twenties that I've had the priviledge of painting with my LIFE. I've been to many heights and had the luxury of expressing myself in many different extremes. I don't believe to have a monopoly on even the types of experiences that I've had. I've learned after the fact, by meeting other individuals, that some external events in my life are closely similar to many others'.
As I write this long note I know I may be the only one that reads this far down, and if I'm not, I am aware most people on my FB usually don't comment on most of my FB they just view it and comment in person or phone me about it if they remember to.
My purpose in writing this is that I've believed for awhile that I have truly lived my wildest dreams and faced my greatest challenges to date. I am still working on issues that I am aware of and believe to be worthy of my attention and try to remove the obstacles in my way or maneuver past them. Somedays My patience is tried as I look around and wonder how people can believe the things that come out of their brains and the actions they commit and expect others to go along with that. When that happens I get well only when I remember the best business to be in is my own business. I have alot of inner work to attend to. I tell people "I don't ever have to work a day in my life again" and it's been true for awhile now. I continue to say I'm the only one that pays my bills, so it's my business what I do for a living and the IRS 's if I ever win the lottery and get audited. I'm not claiming to be a millionaire and I know that if I could I would try to keep appearances close to my current ones as possible for as long as I was in this body, regardless of the monies I had or didn't have.
There are a few things that I would and believe I will be able to keep this time around if no grave unforeseeable things occur in my life. I believe I will retain my smaller frame until I relinquish this body. I believe I will keep expanding my musical abilities throughout my LIFE. I will continue to attempt to see how I can be most effective in enlightening people on what is truly possible in life if you open yourself to positive forces outside and within yourself.
I believe that I never had to get on a path since what I was and continue to search for is reached from first going within. I have the Great Spirit to thank for getting me through all the hardtimes. This Spirit has taken many shapes in my understanding and I have never ever been able to fully see or feel all of it's being and presence in my LIFE and people,places, or things "around" me, but I have grown to know the realness of AUM. Forever expanding LIGHT, LOVE, ABUNDANCE,Opulence, and so much greatness that I could not even begin to appropriately describe in words or by any other means except than by eventually fully radiating the LIGHT that has been and is continuously made available to me as it has to each person and being in creation.
I've been journaling and writing and documenting my experiences over my whole life and am compiling them to write a series of books. Some on weightloss in a loving way. Part of these stories are going in poems and even a screenplay. Some are even in song, imagine that. I used to have a non-profit called Kids Painting Music. As I am turning to a new chapter in my LIFE, MY own SUMMER in this bodily home, I encourage you to be the best you can be at that present moment and to love yourself and others around you with ever-growing love. Dream big, and work and play HARD AND SMART. PEACE. ALFREDO RIVERA
