Poem to show 'em what happens when a player takes too long;)

There was this thai girl way out of this world,
from first sight those eyes made me want them thighs,
but it couldn't be so simple as that.
There were games we had to play. Tit for tat,
then there was, can you really listen dear?
If you can, then you can come over here 
and just be near,because I'm full of fear 
I've been hurt before, you need to be clear 
What is your desire? Don't be a liar,
tell me the truth so we can go higher! 

I was like dang girl I want some of you 
I can listen then I got to get in
let's have a sip, let it do what it do
Let's get you on your back so we can grin 
sweating all night long as we play our song 
of desire we can get inspired 
to let go of the past and live right now
let's jump in bed we'll make you purr and meow 

Oh My mind continued to fantasize, 
strategize how I could go up her thighs. 
Then she was like, boy you know I'm broken. 
I saw her cry over what was spoken. 
I developed the most feared thing of all, 
a conscious voice speaking that would not stall 
the inevitable outcome that must 
come from seeing a girl who wants to trust. 

I made my decision too late to bail,
I had just listened to her lengthy tale. 
All I wanted was to fulfill my lust,
but thai girl was looking for me to trust 

What was I TO DO, listen and then run? 
I felt compelled to stay and have some fun
with this little thai girl who's name was Gunn


NOTICE:
Copyright © 2010 Outclass Inc./Alfredo Rivera. All rights are reserved. Outclass Inc./Alfredo Rivera holds the copyrights to all works authored by Outclass Inc./Alfredo Rivera, including and not limited to all his poems, notes and photography posted on Blogger and all other online and offline networks. No part of these publications may be reproduced, translated, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, republishing, recording or otherwise, without express written permission from the copyright holder. Although these works may be freely accessible on the World Wide Web and may not include any statement about copyright, the U.S. Copyright Act nevertheless provides that such works are protected by copyright laws.

Different than most;)

Copied from my facebook notes ( facebook.com/alfredoriverajazz ) 

by Alfredo Rivera on Thursday, July 15, 2010 at 12:50am

I have a huge belief in the human soul's potential to grow if aligned with greater forces outside of itself. I've shared with some of you my experiences in this lifetime, despite having a very private or as many of you express it,"mysterious", disposition. I do share many facts about my life that I am more removed from in my current life. Facts about stepping out of financial struggles at an early (making $1,000/day having a massage biz for over a year). Buying and selling a house after holding for 5yrs. Traveling around the world on my own money with my girlfriend. Going from 360 lbs to 180lbs, and losing it naturally. Then stepping away from that life to reconnect with having music be my LIFE at 25(Yes I packed alot into my young adulthood). Leaving my home and relationship of 6yrs with just my $300 dollar coat, new car, and $100 dollars in hand just knowing I could do whatever I put my mind to. I fell in love with a playboy covergirl, smoked weed for a whole village or so it seemed;) and left care to the wind.
After 14 months of this lifestyle change my mind, body, and soul started resenting the drastic shift. I had attempted to reconstruct a livable reality renting a $1500 1 bedroom apartment in West Hollywood only to lay my head a cpl hours out of the week, funding this and all things primarily from the refinance of my home. Starting to dip my feet in real estate as a profession and passing the State Test on my first try as well as the test to be a Personal Banker at Wells Fargo. I had two failed relationships since my last girlfriend. My 6yr relationship girlfriend was suing me after trying to buy my house for $5000 when there were six figures left in equity. I started loosing it and began a series of hospitalizations for depression that would spread across almost 2 years.
I became addicted to weed of all things! Mostly reaching out for anything that could possibly take the edge off since I had crashed my car a few months after leaving my home in a DUI after a heartbreak from my Playboy covergirl. I tried abstaining, taking prescription drugs for depression and many other tools. I had many days I couldn't leave the bed due to the medications. I regained most of my weight back peaking at 325 lbs.
At this point it had been over 4 yrs since I left my home.almost 3 yrs since the biggest heartbreak of my life (a girl after the Playboy Covergirl). Almost a year with no prescription drugs to treat depression and about 2 years in "recovery"(being in and out of being sober and walking into rooms).
I'd being doing inner work. Letting go of things that didn't serve me and trying to live a manageable life. One day at a time. One step at a time. I had already experienced going back to live with my mom(for a year and a half) to weather out the storm after I began to have lawsuits from my ex and hospitalizations. I then tried a sobriety house to try to become more independent again. I stayed there another year and a half arriving there with a brand new car and leaving a used car parked at my mom's parked miles away. Just weeks off my last high.
After moving out of there I stayed in a little 10x12 sq ft Downtown paying almost $4/sq ft. It was a slum, but you couldn't tell 'til you moved in! Once again I almost never slept there. A pattern that I had for about 5 years although never being physically homeless. After 2 months there my moral started to crumble.
I experienced an anxiety attack after being sober for almost 2 years. After having started to loose the weight for 6 months. I was making progress in all areas, but still couldn't see pass that day. I had all my needs met, even a high spiritual discipline that I was trying to establish but at almost 30 I felt that I could and should just let go a little.

After all , who knew how long I'd have to endure this hell hole?(as I viewed it). How long was I going to be self-condemned to Nostalgia and LA Dating? Just a little Jack and letting go of my support groups.
Back in my groove within a few months I thought I met a new soulmate. I moved out for the first time in my life to another county outside of LA. I had just sold my car since it had been broken into and it was in the mountains more than a couple hours away. I had gotten burned out on the cell, although only I noticed since I kept a google voice number. I took this risk to see what may come. It was only supposed to be so the girl and I could be together and I could maybe stretch my mind abit and maybe rebuild on a grander scale.
But we had to have fun. Then there were the weedruns to the pharmacies in LA. Hanging with my "buddies" while in LA. And keeping it all together in front of the public and my mother. There was another storm brewing. Two months later the girl and I split up after having lived 24/7 almost daily.
Now I returned to LA with all my possessions and about 4 months earlier than I had hoped for. I had been waiting for some apartments to become available in Venice for a long time. I'd been hoping to live there for almost 3 years. Then after almost 3 weeks in LA and kind of loosing it over the holiday season I got a call that the apartments I had hoped for were becoming available.
The catch was I had to move in within a week and have a great sum of money as down payment. All this with no flexibility and short notice after spending a nice chunk of money on my mom's 74th bday and MY BLUE IN GREEN Christmas. After some great events and the help of an aunt and real estate broker we were in. Although the date changed to New Year's Eve, and I used the small loan from my broker for my very first marijuana license.
It took a couple months of stop and go before I layed down the weed and enrolled in school. I stayed through the whole quarter and remained sober for the quarter. In June I opened a new DBA,became an ASCAP member, putting forward the project of releasing a classic recording by my former working group. I turned 31 in June and I've lost 110lbs In a almost 20 months with only 15-20 lbs of overfat more to go to re-enter the "official healthy fat range".
My life is and has always been in part a work in progress. I've expressed since my early twenties that I've had the priviledge of painting with my LIFE. I've been to many heights and had the luxury of expressing myself in many different extremes. I don't believe to have a monopoly on even the types of experiences that I've had. I've learned after the fact, by meeting other individuals, that some external events in my life are closely similar to many others'.
As I write this long note I know I may be the only one that reads this far down, and if I'm not, I am aware most people on my FB usually don't comment on most of my FB they just view it and comment in person or phone me about it if they remember to.
My purpose in writing this is that I've believed for awhile that I have truly lived my wildest dreams and faced my greatest challenges to date. I am still working on issues that I am aware of and believe to be worthy of my attention and try to remove the obstacles in my way or maneuver past them. Somedays My patience is tried as I look around and wonder how people can believe the things that come out of their brains and the actions they commit and expect others to go along with that. When that happens I get well only when I remember the best business to be in is my own business. I have alot of inner work to attend to. I tell people "I don't ever have to work a day in my life again" and it's been true for awhile now. I continue to say I'm the only one that pays my bills, so it's my business what I do for a living and the IRS 's if I ever win the lottery and get audited. I'm not claiming to be a millionaire and I know that if I could I would try to keep appearances close to my current ones as possible for as long as I was in this body, regardless of the monies I had or didn't have.
There are a few things that I would and believe I will be able to keep this time around if no grave unforeseeable things occur in my life. I believe I will retain my smaller frame until I relinquish this body. I believe I will keep expanding my musical abilities throughout my LIFE. I will continue to attempt to see how I can be most effective in enlightening people on what is truly possible in life if you open yourself to positive forces outside and within yourself.
I believe that I never had to get on a path since what I was and continue to search for is reached from first going within. I have the Great Spirit to thank for getting me through all the hardtimes. This Spirit has taken many shapes in my understanding and I have never ever been able to fully see or feel all of it's being and presence in my LIFE and people,places, or things "around" me, but I have grown to know the realness of AUM. Forever expanding LIGHT, LOVE, ABUNDANCE,Opulence, and so much greatness that I could not even begin to appropriately describe in words or by any other means except than by eventually fully radiating the LIGHT that has been and is continuously made available to me as it has to each person and being in creation.

I've been journaling and writing and documenting my experiences over my whole life and am compiling them to write a series of books. Some on weightloss in a loving way. Part of these stories are going in poems and even a screenplay. Some are even in song, imagine that. I used to have a non-profit called Kids Painting Music. As I am turning to a new chapter in my LIFE, MY own SUMMER in this bodily home, I encourage you to be the best you can be at that present moment and to love yourself and others around you with ever-growing love. Dream big, and work and play HARD AND SMART. PEACE. ALFREDO RIVERA

My year(s) in Review{ It has been Good }

        With 2010 wrapping up, we are seeing the end of a decade, (depending on how you're counting). Regardless we are at the beginning of a new decade. There's a lot to process, learn from, and appreciate.
         On my 11,506th day on this planet (31.5 years) I see cycle upon cycle upon cycle. I am definitely in the prime of my life. I've spent time in emotions, mindsets, and actions that run the gamut.
         This year alone had me moving into a 2 bedroom(900 sq.ft) affordable apartment in Venice that's less than a 10 minute WALK from the ocean on New Year's Eve. I began playing tablas in April. I also wrapped up my 15 month almost exclusively bike method of transportation attempt at simplicity and manageability. I bought a NICE V6 Car in December! I started my own record label and joined ASCAP along with doing other music business. I produced and released a new AL-bum http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/villageorchestraplayazin for sale in November. I celebrated my mother's milestone 75th birthday.
I came to a point in my life that I could see myself entering a four year university. Not having been able to commit to this 13 years ago kept me from attending on scholarship USC, UCLA, and the Manhattan School of Music at 18 years old. I raised my previous GPA by about .6 points from February to December. I lost the first 100 pounds of the 147 pounds I had regained in 2006 . I've maintained that weight loss since March.
        All these statement of facts are not to say it's been simple or to show off. I feel like most of it has been done for me, sometimes feeling as if despite myself. I've learned so much from my daily encounters with all people. I've also had so much support and encouragement from many. I am truly blessed and am learning to embrace my recently given nickname "BUENAVIDA" given to me by my tabla teacher. That means GOOD LIFE in Spanish.
        I am continuing to look for balance in many aspects of my life. Everything I need is within me. I look forward to my journey with the rest of you in 2011 and so on.
BuenaVida (Blocks from the Beach on a day with Sun:)

Cosmic Sound Artist's Blog: Being a New Record Label Owner

Cosmic Sound Artist's Blog: Being a New Record Label Owner: " It's been a busy day here at the Santa Monica Library. I got here just after 10am. I decided not to ride 70+miles on my bike on this ..."

Being a New Record Label Owner

       It's been a busy day here at the Santa Monica Library. I got here just after 10am. I decided not to ride 70+miles on my bike on this nice sunny California Autumn day.
       As soon as I got here I spent over half an hour trying to configure my Powerbook G4 to get on the library's wireless internet.  I then called Scott Harrigan, the graphic designer for my album, to see that I hadn't left this project on his desk for too long. He was really cool and said to take as long as I needed (he has been paid by the way).

        The next people I want to get paid are the ones who will license two jazz songs I want on this album. I've gone as far as finding one Publisher for Caravan by Duke Ellington, but Beau-Jack by Jackie Mclean I'm not having any luck with.

         I'd become pretty frustruated with The Harry A. Fox Agency(HFA) not returning my call. I knew I should email them, but I'm still old-school and like getting someone on the phone, especially since they're website on my iphone was not letting me register for their SongFile service.
          As of today, I have;
1)Opened a DBA with LA COUNTY as OUTCLASS INC.
2)Had DBA listed for a month in the Santa Monica Daily Press. 3)Become a member of Ascap as a writer and a publisher.
4)Payed Graphic Designer for Album Design.
5)Cleared permissions for photographs of musicians to be used in CD
6)Registered online with HFA and sent them a thorough email regarding my 1,000 CD release and Digital Downloads to be available worldwide.

       I will be sending an MP3 of my recording of Caravan to EMI Music Publishing. I also have to register the copyrights to all the my originals. All that is left to do
after all is cleared is placing the order with Discmakers.
        This process of releasing a self-produced album is not rocket science, but it has been stressful for me and is definitely showing me alot about where I am. I have blown through the majority of the funds at one point, then again spent it at massage parlors:), overeaten, considered taking long trips, and more! Yet I am standing my ground. I know this is a high quality product and I want to see it to completion. It's a labor of love and I look forward to sharing it with the world ASAP.

                   Yours Truly,
                   Cosmic Sound Artist